What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize