well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize