Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
