Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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