Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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