I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
