I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dicks are not precious.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
