It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
