I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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