I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
foreskin is a definite game changer
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize