Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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