yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
