Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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