Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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