ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
