i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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