Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
