she woke up with a sticky ear
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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