Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
