I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
