it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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