I can tuck mytits in my pants
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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