I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
