You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
