I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
