i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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