My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
