I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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