Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
