My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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