While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
