I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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