look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
