around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
