I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
