And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
