there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
