This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
