vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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