plz talk dirty to me
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
