I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
