Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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