I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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