Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
