Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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