At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
