Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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