Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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