you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
