they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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