You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
