I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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