Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
