my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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