i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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