i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
