there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
