dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
