You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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