idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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