It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
