He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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