this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
