I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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