youre lurking in front of me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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