Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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