yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
