i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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