So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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