True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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